


rotten tomatoes

by glownary



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Comedy, First Dates, Island Mode (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, POV Hinata Hajime, movie date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glownary/pseuds/glownary
Summary: Hajime and Nagito go on the world's worst date and watch the world's worst movie. Somehow, it's fine.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	rotten tomatoes

**Author's Note:**

> written for a gift exchange!

The movie theater was empty when they arrived, just as Hajime had hoped it would be.

...He was alone. With Nagito. On _purpose,_ no less. 

Well, it was too late for him to change his mind now. Hajime rubbed his sweaty palms against his pant legs and made a beeline for the concessions counter, doing everything in his power to avoid meeting the other man's eyes. While searching for something to eat during the movie—because everyone eats during movies, of course, and certainly not because he wanted to avoid any attempts Nagito might make to speak to him—he discovered another issue.

"Looking for something, Hinata-kun?"

Hajime glanced over his hunched shoulder. "I kinda wanted a hot dog, but it looks like there's none left…"

"How unfortunate," Nagito responded, looking distinctly unbothered.

Hajime ignored him in favor of checking out the other food available at the concessions counter. "I guess I'll just get popcorn instead." He made his way over to the popcorn machine, then groaned upon realizing that the glass container was empty. Exasperated, he tried pressing the button on the front in hopes of some kernels remaining unpopped in the top compartment. The moment he pressed it, the machine made a jarring whirring noise and began to leak smoke from the top of the metal pan. 

_"Fuck!"_ Hajime threaded his fingers through his hair and watched with dismay as the container burst, spilling burnt popcorn into the tray below. He turned to face Nagito, searching for—something. Reassurance, maybe?

Nagito stared back at him, storm-colored eyes entirely apathetic. "That's too bad," he attempted.

"What else do movie theaters usually have? Nachos? Candy?"

"Hinata-kun." Nagito's lips drew into a thin line. "Perhaps we should just go enjoy the movie? You don't _need_ to eat something while watching, do you?"

Jaw going slack, Hajime almost started to respond that he very much would prefer to eat something while watching a movie. Instead, he paused to think about Nagito's apparent lack of sympathy for his plight—as well as his personal disinterest in finding food. "Uh. No, I guess I don't."

Nagito clasped his hands together with a radiant grin. "Wonderful! Let's go, then." 

Hajime wondered about the popcorn machine as he turned to make his way further into the theater. It was awfully unlucky for him that he couldn't find any food—was something like that lucky or unlucky for Nagito?

Thinking too much about Nagito’s luck always made his head hurt. He dropped the line of thought and followed Nagito to the projector room. Being the only people present in the theater, the two of them had the freedom to pick any film available. 

"Did you have anything particular in mind, Hinata-kun?"

"Not really." Hajime's eyes darted from Nagito to the piles upon piles of film reels filling up the room. The abandoned theater had a surprisingly wide selection to choose from. With a sigh, he squatted down and began to flip through one of the stacks.

"Lot of Marvel movies in this pile…" He slipped one reel out of the stack, then held it up to show Nagito the label. "How about Thor?" 

Judging from his crossed arms and knitted eyebrows, Nagito appeared to be rather unimpressed with his choice. 

"Alright, not that one." Hajime swapped out the reel for another. "Iron Man?" 

Nagito stared down and to the right with a heavy sigh. "I suppose that works…"

...That wasn't exactly an enthused response. Hajime tilted his head slightly to one side, gesturing towards the film reel in his hands. "Not a fan of superhero movies?"

"Ah! it's not that I don't like them, necessarily—the neverending fight between heroes and villains is much like that of hope and despair, after all; though I find the tendency for heroes always saving the day to be a rather unrealistic representation of the evenness of the cycle—but superhero movies tend to have too much action for me…"

"That's fine, we can watch something else." As Hajime returned the reel to the pile, he considered his options. Maybe this was actually a good opportunity to try and learn more about Nagito and the things he liked? "What do you want to watch, Komaeda?"

"Are you sure you should allow scum such as myself to—"

 _"Komaeda."_

"Well, if you're certain." Nagito brushed past Hajime and reached for a different stack of film, trailing his spindly fingers across the labels. He visibly brightened the moment he spotted a certain title, carefully extracting it from the rest of the pile. 

Hajime squinted at the label, curious about what had caught Nagito’s interest. "...An Adam Sandler movie?" he hissed, incredulously.

Nagito beamed at him. "Not just any Adam Sandler movie—the _worst_ Adam Sandler movie."

"Oh." Hajime rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. "Thank god, for a second there I thought you actually _liked_ that movie—"

"No, no, I do like it. I enjoy it very much. It's my favorite, actually."

Hajime felt his face scrunch up in a mixture of confusion and alarm. "But—you just said it was the worst...?"

"Yes." Nagito clutched the reel lovingly to his chest, eyes full of bliss. "Hinata-kun, did you know that Adam Sandler won both the worst actor and worst actress categories at the Golden Raspberry Awards for _Jack and Jill?"_

Hajime lurched back a step. There was an award for the _worst_ actors? "Uh. What?" he asked, always the pinnacle of eloquence.

"Yes, and the film itself won every single category last year, making it widely recognized as the worst movie of 2011." A light sheen of sweat coated Nagito’s face as he delivered his impassioned review. "Some even say it's the worst movie of all time! Isn't it impressive?"

"In what way is that _impressive?!"_

"Truthfully, Hinata-kun, most films are painfully mediocre—destined to be forgotten. The best ones are enjoyable, or course, with so much love and care put into them by so many talented people, but..." Reaching forward, Nagito held the reel out towards Hajime. "To be so distinctly terrible is a wonderous feat in its own right. From the seventy-nine million dollar budget, the multiple prestigious actors, and the amount spent on marketing, to the lazy writing, the noticeable use of green screen, and the overabundance of toilet humor; it's incredible that a film this dreadful was allowed to exist."

Nagito finished his speech with a dramatic flourish of his arm, appearing to be completely out of breath. "I wonder what form of hope shall find us after enduring such despair-filled refuse…"

"You, uh… sure know a lot about _Jack and Jill..."_ Hajime wondered if, by any chance, Monokuma was available to sell him another million-dollar “I’m Sorry, I Was Born Stupid” sticker... He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Sure. Whatever. Let's watch it."

Nagito's visible joy didn't do much to assuage his fears. The two of them set up the projector and made their way to the middle of the theater as the commercials played. With each commercial, Hajime's apprehension only grew, until the movie finally began.

"Doesn't the airport look like a green screen?" Nagito asked, after twenty five minutes of complete silence. Hajime nearly jumped out of his skin. "You have to wonder how much of the budget was paid to the actors, for every other aspect to appear so cheap. You know, some people think this movie was an embezzlement scam—"

"Stop talking."

Nagito cheerfully obeyed.

The movie was somehow _so much worse_ than he'd expected. The humor was beyond flat—it was practically concave. Regret began to seep in around the thirtieth fart joke—he almost preferred the sound of Nagito’s voice to the sound of Adam Sandler’s shrill yammerings. Was that romantic? Was this _date_ supposed to be romantic? He doubted it, considering that Nagito’s movie selection had clearly been an effort to torture him. Hajime turned to glance at the other man, hoping to take comfort in the fact that Nagito would look equally miserable. No such luck—a serene smile was spread over his face as he watched the movie, absolutely enraptured... 

There was no way he was enjoying this. There was no way anyone _could_ enjoy this.

From that moment on, Hajime's attention was split cleanly between watching Nagito's face and the screen. Each time Adam Sandler set up a shitty, humorless joke, Hajime would turn to watch Nagito's reaction to the punchline. The result was always the same—Nagito didn’t laugh, didn’t groan, didn’t react much at all besides holding that same, placid grin. Hajime wondered if the other boy was taking this time to astral project into another dimension, leaving him to watch a fucking Adam Sandler movie all by himself. 

"Hinata-kun?"

Snapping out of a trance, Hajime's eyes darted up to meet Nagito’s. He realized, all too suddenly, that he had spent the better part of the last few minutes staring at Nagito's stupid, chapped lips.

Face burning, Hajime muttered something unintelligible and attempted to return his attention to the godforsaken movie. He had no clue what was going on in it anymore and didn’t care in the slightest. The breaking point, probably, was when Jill ran out of some guy’s pickup truck to take a shit. Hajime’s vision went red. 

He turned and grabbed Nagito by the shoulder, twisting their upper bodies to face each other. Nagito widened his eyes slightly, but seemed otherwise unbothered.

"Is something wrong, Hinata-kun?"

The innocuous question seared through Hajime's veins, making his blood boil. "This is the worst date I've ever been on," he glowered, seconds before mashing his lips against Nagito's.

It was also the only date he'd ever been on, but that didn't seem too relevant.

The kiss was messy, with a clear lack of precision on Hajime's end and a lack of experience on both, but the pounding of his heart in his chest drowned out the shrill sound of Adam Sandler's voice. His teeth clacked against Nagito’s, and he tasted something that could have been blood, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"Such an interesting outcome," Nagito breathed into his ear. "The hope of getting to kiss you, and the despair of missing my favorite scenes from Adam Sandler's critically condemned film _Jack and Jill…_ which will be victorious?"

"Sounds like a win-win scenario to me." Hajime pulled Nagito back in for another kiss, eternally grateful to wipe his mind of whatever the hell he had just watched.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know that Adam Sandler's 2011 film Jack and Jill has a 3% rating on rotten tomatoes? Isn't that interesting, Hinata-kun? Hinata-kun? Are you listening, Hinata-kun? 
> 
> ...What's that? You hate Adam Sandler? Bullying a Jewish comedian... not cool, Hinata-kun.


End file.
